My Tinder's experience first demise, Chance. I finally told the child off. I know it sounds immature, to proclaim I told someone off, but this boy had no Chance with me, especially when 98% of him was made up of disingenuous proclamations. I mean seriously, the dude was close to 40 years old and had the IQ and drive of that as an old decrepit dinosaur found stashed in thee basement of the Smithsonian. When does it end? Men never change. My mom used to say to me, "Oh Jess you just need an older man, these others are such children." I could never win with my mom, when I was 20 I needed to find someone 30, when I was 30 I needed to find someone who was 40: When I turned 40 I needed to find someone who was 50. Does the quest ever end? No because as long as there is a penis things never change. So why not enjoy what is most pleasurable to me. What is the difference between being hurt by a 25 year old or a 55 year old. I prefer the 25 year old cause at least you get the hot factor in the mix.
The Dialogue with Chance was not pleasant to say the least. I had put off plans to see him Thursday. I had this gut feeling he was going to crap on my poor keppy. [Yiddish for Head]. So this morning the following text occurred:
HE: Good Morning :) Hope your day is going well :) :)
ME: Yes Good so far. Hope you day is going well too. Are we still on for Thursday
HE: Well I am little concerned with my dad. We watched JFK last night and talked some. He seemed off and I called my sister [that I fuck every few months, see facebook pics]. to see what she thinks [ cause I can't think for myself and this is just another excuse for me to plow my car into the mailbox and secure myself another DUI]. I need to be watching him and his meds to make sure he takes what he needs at the correct times. I'm not there in the morning to make sure so I need to be on standby to watch him.
ME: {THINKING: Are you fucking kidding me, Your dad who drove thousands of miles in his sports car who is tooling around town looking for chicks in retirement homes. He has been alone for how many years and in less then 5 days of being at your home he needs a caregiver. Was I just totally used? Yep Bastard}
ME: Actually saying: Don't bother ever calling me again or contacting me ever again
HE: I am sorry you feel that way. You were right. I thought it would be easier with my dad in town but its not. I'LL only be even more busy with school. {That I started in 2007 and still have a year and half to go to get my four year degree, which means you ain't getting it bitch} That's just where things are for me right now....I see where you mean we are in different places.
ME: What doesn't work for me is your past drug problems, you care more about Heroin addicted friends who have no use for you and wife that left you because you are selfish and admit it. You have lied to me from the beginning and let's be real, I am looking for a man not a child. Good Riddance.
HE: That's not fair to say. I wish you well and no hard feelings from me then.
ME: [Thinking are you fucking insane: "That not fair to say." After you obliterated me in lies to get into my pants. Fuck off] Grow Up and leave me alone. You are a fruitcake and a liar.
Well at that point it was over. Now he can continue his self loathing in his bottle of Jack Daniels and tiny little penises amidst field sobriety tests and KMart sneakers.
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